Our stories hold us back

"I cannot believe someone parked their car right in front of my house," my new neighbor exclaimed a few years ago.  "What a d*%khead!"  

discover your stories

Do you feel the tension in your chest as a reaction to that neighbors comment like I do just writing it?  That neighbor, let's call him Brad, had a lot of opinions he held as truths about what people "should," or "should not," do or say.  

He was kind of fun to talk to because he was so dramatic and gossip has a way of being a little addictive, giving us a little hit of dopamine when we hear juicy bits of neighborhood info.  But also?  I kind of wanted to get away from him when he started talking about things like where people should park.  I realize now his energy was really repelling me.  

GAILS** are a set of concepts that hold us back from thriving.  Let's take a look at how this applies to the car-in-the-street scenario:

truth or Truth

There is kind of a lot to unpack about that first statement.  Brad's truth was that people who parked their car in front of his house were "stupid."  My truth was that I didn't care where people parked their cars.  The only Truth (something that everyone could agree upon) in that situation was that there was a car parked in a certain spot in front of his house.  

GAIL

The "L" in GAIL stands for limiting belief.  This is something that someone or culture has taught us that we hold to be true.  In the car on the street situation, it might be that Brad's parents taught him that cars should never be parked in the street.  So Brad believes that cars should never be parked in the street even though you and I can think of a lot of reasons why that belief doesn't make any sense.  

The "I" in GAIL stands for interpretation.  Brad's interpretation in this scenario is that the person who parked there was totally clueless.  Maybe that they parked in front of his house just to be rude.  He might actually interpret the situation to believe that someone parked in front of his house ON PURPOSE TO PISS HIM OFF!  (Can you start to see where I'm going here?)

The "A" in GAIL is for assuming.  We don't know this, but when Brad was a kid his dad INTENTIONALLY parked in front of his neighbor's house to "prove a point," so since Brad has experience with all of this in the past, he assumes that the person also parked in front of his house to "prove a point."  

Here we have alllll the thoughts Brad's experiences have given him to lead to the intitial statement.  By believing his thoughts about the car, he is staying angry with his neighbor and when I was part of the conversation, I started to feel angry too.  His anger was contagious.  

The G is for Gremlin.  The Gremlin part is a little harder to explain.  Brad isn't aware of his Gremlin, but I felt pretty sure his Gremlin was telling him he wasn't successful enough.  His Gremlin was telling him that if he made more money, he would be able to live in the kind of neighborhood where people have big driveways and don't have to park in the street.  So our Gremlin is the "not good enough" voice in our heads.  

If you're still with me here, you might be able to see how one little "toxic" statement from Brad has a lot behind it.  

Stories hold us back

How do you think stories hold us back from the life of our dreams?  What stories are holding you back or keeping you playing small?  What stories are creating a wall in your relationships, keeping you from getting that promotion or leaving a situation that will never get more uplifting? 

Let's start investigating these for you.  Schedule a free discovery call. 

Because you're on this list, I'm giving you 50% off the full price for 6 coaching visits.   Mention this blog when you call.

**GAIL is a term created by IPEC Coaching